Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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