well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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