I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
