Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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