just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
