No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
