Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
