Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
