I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
