Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
