he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
