i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
