One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize