There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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