i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You are a genius and a whore.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
