Porn is love you can see.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
