from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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