Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
