On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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