You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
