dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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