I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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