Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
