dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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