They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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