I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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