DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
