From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
