The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
