I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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