We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
