i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize