took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
