I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
