the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
