I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
