god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
