found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
