Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
