So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
