i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize