I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
