i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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