Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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