While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
