Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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