She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
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