best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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