Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
In America we eat man semen.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
