I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i drank out of a bidet.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
