can u get pink eye on your cock?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
