Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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