And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
There are leaves in my underwear?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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