ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
