I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I wish there were birth control emojis
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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