What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
