he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize