my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
