Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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