Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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