Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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