there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
