oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
