There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
