She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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