my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize