when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
