I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
