if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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