i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
