I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
