it wasn't lemon gatorade
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
