Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
