One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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