Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
