I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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