It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
