I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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