Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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