Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
