I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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