my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
