she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
