Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
