Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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