you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
