There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
