Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
