This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
