At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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