I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
