OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
