shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
is that a dick in a sweater?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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