he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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