I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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