i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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