everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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