i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
